Wednesday, September 28, 2011
My mom and I took my niece to her favourite restaurant: Red Robin, for lunch.
She immediately grabbed the crayons on the table and started on a masterpiece:
S "For YOU Aunt Becca!"
me "I LOVE it S! Is this...a kitty"
S: "It's HELLO kitty!"
me: "Oh I see, its a big Hello Kitty and a baby Hello Kitty"
S: "No no! THAT is Hello Kitty...and that is me: dressed as Hello Kitty"
me "I love it! How very meta!"
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
So a few weeks ago I was brunching with some friends on the Upper West Side when I saw my caller ID light up with my sister's name. She only calls if its important so I excused myself from the group and picked up the call.
It was S on my sis's phone:
S: "AUUUUNNNT BECCA!:
me: "Hey s!!!! whats up? Wheres your mom?"
S: "Oh she's watching a movie I just wanted to say HIIII!"
me: "Hi sweetie- what are you up to today?"
S: "I'm wearing my favourite princess pants and drinking a diet coke!:
me: "Sounds like a great Sunday actually- what is your mom watching?"
S; "A Moooovvvvie- youre in it- she says its not you but it is!!!"
(5 min later)
my sis: "hey S hijacked my phone she wanted to talk to you"
me: "haha I loved it- what movie are you watching????"
my sis "Burlesque"
Ok so if that was # 3- youre all asking- what is #1....
It's PenisButt- by far without a doubt!
Well S's little brother accidentally kneed her in the crotch and S screamed
"OOOOOOOOWWWWWWWW he hurt my PENIS -BUTT"
naturally her mother asked,
"he hurt your WHAT????"
S: "my PENIS BUTT"
my sis: "what is that exactly?"
S: "here (pointing to crotch)"
my sis: "You know thats called your vagina, like we talked about, right?"
S: "ummm well its where my brothers penis is, and it looks like a butt, so i'm gonna call it a penis butt"
my sis "lets call it a vagina
S: "nah, I'm gonna go with penis butt"
So I have a lot of great conversations with my niece. When I am pulling my hair out at work, or stuck in a subway train because someone inconveniently decided to jump during rushhour (aagh late again), It's little miss S who I picture to bring a smile to my face and drop my blood pressure back to human.
But today's conversation is in my top 3:
Tuesday, September 27, 6:33 pm:
My sister puts S on the phone:
S: "AUNNNNT BECCCCA"
me: "Hi Sweetie!!:
S: "Hi! Hi! Remember when you got married???"
me "Yeah I do -it was last month"
S: "you looked soooo pretttttty:
me "Oh thanks honey!!"
S: "And I looked sooo pretty tooo!!! in my dressssss!"
me "yes you did!!! what are you doing tonight??"
S: "ummmm I'm having a cocktail"
(my sis in the background: " A FRUIT cocktail, S- tell her its a FRUIT cocktail")
S: "its basically pinapples and cherries"
(my sis in the background: "S! Tell her is a FRRUUUUITTTT cocktail")
me "Is this rum or vodka based?"
(my sis in the background: "S!!! Please tell her its fruit in a can!" )
S: "AUNT Becca- its basically fruit in a can"
me "I love you"
S: "I love you to byyyyyye"
S is the most incredible creature I know, at 4 years old she is the funniest most sarcastic and dare I say- one of the most fashionable people I know (and I'm a fashion designer in Manhattan)
Welcome to Sh*t My Niece Says-
I hope her words inspire and enlighten your life as much as they have mine